On the Lighter Side

I don’t know about you, but I’m in need of a few good jokes. Some of you may have heard these before…

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“Roses are red. Violets are blue.
Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn’t.”

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The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

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Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92 (Charley), 94 (Carol) and 96 (Gwen), and they all lived together.

One night Gwen ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. “Was I getting in the tub or out?” she yelled.

Carol hollered back, “I don’t know. I’ll come and see.” She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted, “Was I going up or coming down?”

Charley, sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters, shook her head and said, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful,” and knocked on wood for good measure.

Then she yelled, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

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Q – What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovahs Witness?
A – Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.

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Q – What did the cross eyed school teacher say to her disruptive children?
A – “I can’t control my pupils.”

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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb? CHANGE?!!!

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many tv evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.

How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? None: Candles only.

How many Amish does it take to change a lightbulb? What’s a light bulb?

How many Polygamous Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb? Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

How many Jehovah’s Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you’ve seen the light!

How many Unitarians does it take to change a lightbulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

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After a very long and boring sermon the parishoners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons.”Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!” The pastor was thrilled. “No-one has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. Tell me why.” “Well – it reminded me of the Peace of God because it passed all understanding and the Love of God because it endured forever.


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