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I meant to post this before Christmas, but you know how that goes. Anyway, I found this old draft of a letter I’d sent to a friend right after Callie was born (eight years ago). She was feeling down about her singleness & this was what I sent her for encouragement. I know so many friends out there waiting for God’s best. Another holiday of waiting is hard to take! Facing yet another year with that dream still allusive. This is a long post, but I hope it brings encouragement. It’s what I plan on sharing with our children if/when God calls them to wait…
This morning, after our phone conversation, I awoke at 4am & couldn’t sleep. So, I got up, took a hot bath, read Oswald Chambers, & the Lord brought to mind some things I should’ve shared last night but didn’t think of. So, I thought I’d write them down & share them in a letter.
In thinking back to Keith & me, the critical point for me was when I gave him up “as my Isaac”. Let me explain. There was a point when I knew I loved him & was pretty sure he loved me, but he didn’t know it (women usually know before men i find!). This was about the time I had signed up to go teach in Korea & he was all “excited for me”, remember? Well, that Sunday, after wrestling with all this over a very long weekend, I decided to give him up to the Lord. And not just him, but any & all relationships with guys. My heart’s desire was to be married & have/raise godly children, & God knew that – I felt he gave me that desire. But I had to (as Abraham) literally place that whole desire on the alter, give it up to God by walking up front at TRBC that night, & leaving it all on the prayer steps before the Lord. I told Him that I would give Him my dreams of a family & if He chose to give it back to me, great. But if not, I would be happier with Him alone! And I had to really let that dream die. I think at that point, I was able to make the right decisions about Keith – as far as not writing him, totally letting him go & leaving it up to God to bring him back to me if that’s what was best for me & Keith, etc. & not get “mopey”.
It doesn’t end with marriage. God brought me to a similar “test” later – just last year. We got pregnant right away with Nate & I just assumed we’d be able to “control” & “decide” when we had our kids. Boy, did God show me Who’s in control & teach me through this one! (And I’m so glad He’s in control & not me!!) We “decided it was time” for another child in our family when Nate was a year & a half, but God wanted to teach us something about Himself instead. We prayed – no baby. After over a year, I was really sad about it & (of course) everyone around me was having a baby. There was a time I even prayed for twins thinking, “Well, Lord, since there’s this gap here, maybe You could make use of the extra time between kids & ‘double our money’.” : )
Then Keith’s cousin got pregnant with twins! I struggled with that one. The twins were born & I was still not pregnant & very sad. A week later, while taking a meal to a friend who’d just given birth to her 8th baby, I finally came to the end of the struggle. I had to again totally give my dreams to the Lord & say, “Lord, this is not my life, it’s Yours. You are the Master planner & You have a master plan with my best interest in mind. If Your will is for us to raise one child, I will raise that child happily with all my heart. I will not waste any more of the precious time You have blessed me with all sad about something that obviously isn’t best because You haven’t given it to me & if it was for my best, You would give it to me. You know what’s best for all involved & I trust you. Thank You for being trust worthy!” And I left the dream of any more children totally with God, not to worry about it again but to instead rest in Him & thank Him for this time in my life. A week later, the twins were found to have CP & one almost died. That family went through so much. I was able to pray for them a lot through that because I felt a “connection” to them having prayed for twins & all & feeling that if God had let me “have my way”, that could’ve been me sort of thing. They came to mind very often through all that. Anyway, long story longer, a year later (note: we found out Callie was on the way literally the next month after I gave it all to the Lord!) the twins have been healed completely – no sign of CP now – it “disappeared”! We have a beautiful baby girl! And again, I’ve learned Who’s in control & knows best. It was not until I totally died to my dreams & gave them completely to God that my dreams were fulfilled – as with my relationship with Keith. But I couldn’t lay my dreams on the alter to “manipulate” God into giving me my heart’s desire – I had to just die to them & rest/trust in Him PERIOD.
The other part of that was to find JOY in my dead dreams & to really believe this was all for good. This is where real faith comes in. With Keith, it was going & teaching in Korea – pouring my heart into ministry. I did that before I met Keith, too – teaching Sunday School with all my heart, and I loved it. I really miss not being able/having the time to teach SS like that now! I loved it! I really felt God was using me to make a difference in those kids’ lives. With waiting for Callie, it was praying more for others focusedly (is that a word? Cuz I just used it.) Like, praying for pregnant women, for barren couples, for the abortion issue, etc. I am now much more keenly aware of infertile couples & their pain – I was clueless as to that before! Now I can pray with knowledge for them. I can also testify to God’s perfect timing & encourage them (as with you & relationships) that God does have a plan & His timing is perfect – REST in the mean time! Concentrate on your relationship with the Lord through it all. he is bringing these things into your life & using these circumstances in your life to make you into the person He wants you to be, which is where you will be most fulfilled as His child.
Matthew 6:25-33 = “…don’t worry about everyday life…Look at the birds…your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to Him than they are. Can all your worries add to a single moment to your life? Of course not…why worry…if God cares so wonderfully for the flowers that are here today & gone tomorrow, won’t He more surely care for you?… So don’t worry…your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, & He will give you all you need… if you live for Him & make the kingdom of God your primary concern.”
Oswald chambers wrote, “Pay attention to the Source, & out of you will flow rivers of living water (John 7:38). We cannot discover the source of our natural life through common sense & reasoning, & Jesus is teaching here that growth in our spiritual life comes not from focusing directly on it, but from concentrating on our Father in Heaven. Our Father knows our circumstances, & if we will stay focused on him, instead of our circumstances, we will grow spiritually – just as the lilies of the field.”
That really struck me this morning. Isn’t that ultimately what life is all about? We are here to glorify God. PERIOD. God uses life circumstances to shape us into glorifiers (is THAT a word? cuz I just used it!) give us His character so the world may see Him through us & know him. His whole theme throughout the OT & NT & on to Revelation is to “make Himself known”. Psalm 59:13b says, “Then the whole world will know that God reigns…” If I can do that best single, than let it be so, Lord! If I can best do that married, let it be. Best with no children, one child, many children…Your will, not mine! Let me be like Mary & sit at Your feet, learning from You, loving You; rather than getting so caught up in life around me like Martha.
In conclusion, as I was flipping through Psalms to find a verse (they are all over if not looking for them, but not as obvious when you are looking!) about God’s aim of “letting the world know I am God”, these popped out at me & I’ll just list them – you can look them up. I have the NLT which is what I was reading when I found these. Hope they bring the needed encouragement…
Psalm 84:5-7/10-12 Psalm 81:10b/16 Psalm 73:25-28 Psalm 71:5-7 Psalm 66:5,7,9,12b,19,20 Psalm 63:1-8 Psalm 62:1,2,5,8 Psalm 56:3,8,9b Psalm 46:1-3,7,10 Psalm 43:4,5 Psalm 42 Psalm 40:1-3,10,16,17 Psalm 37:3-5,7b,16,18,25,34 Psalm 34:1-19 Psalm 31:5a,14,15a,19,23,24 Psalm 30:5b,11,12 Psalm 27:1,4,8,10,13,14 Psalm 16:2,5,6,8,11 Psalm 4:3,7,8 Psalm 5:3,12
Your sister, Leigh Ann”
2009 Update: The girl I sent this letter to is now married with two sweet boys, God has given us two more children so far, & the twins are still healthy! Saw them over Christmas up in MN – cute. Until I read this letter again, I had totally forgotten they ever had CP. Oh, and God continues to teach me He has a great plan even in the twists & turns. It always turns out better when you lay your plans in His hands!
Also, since writing this to my friend, I’ve found Nancy Leigh DeMoss. If you’re a woman, check her stuff out. Run! Really!! She’s that good.
Keith was adopted by the grace of God when he was three weeks old. I was four weeks from birth myself. He always teases how much older & wiser he is because he’d been in like three different homes through the adoption services before I was even born. I’ll tell the story from two sides: his birth mother, & then his parents’ side.
Keith’s birth mother had never married. This was her second son & she was alone. She knew she couldn’t care for another child, so in an act of great selflessness, put him up for adoption. When Keith was in college, she contacted him for the first time. They’ve met & talked a few times over the years. She said she would have called him Brad. His last name would’ve been Morgan. It’s really strange to think about how different his life could’ve been. When I came into Keith’s life, we invited her to the wedding. She came with her boyfriend (they married soon after us) from Minnesota all the way to Ohio! She stayed in the background; just wanted to be there. Now, anyone could tell she was Keith’s mother – they look exactly alike! They even smile sideways the same way. Since first contact, she’s continued to call Keith’s mom every once in a while & we’ve exchanged Christmas cards a few times, but that’s about it. I do want to share about Keith’s half brother, though. To me, it sheds a floodlight on God’s grace in Keith’s life.
Rob, Keith’s biological half brother, struggled though out life. He got into drugs & the party scene. We never got to meet him because, at age seventeen he killed himself by letting the car run in the garage with the door shut. He audio taped himself as he sat in the car his last minutes. Keith & I listened. He sounds so much like Keith it’s eerie!! He looked like Keith, too, except with dark hair (long in the back in the 80’s fashion) & he was really pasty looking – his eyes looked so empty & sad. He was so utterly lost. My heart breaks even writing it out. I say all this to compare & contrast his story to my husband’s…
Keith’s parents had been married a few years when they started the paperwork to adopt a baby & spent nine months praying for God to give them a child. They got the call & had Keith in their arms within a day. He grew up going to church every Sunday with both sets of grandparents in the pew beside him, along with two generations of aunts, uncles & cousins. At age nine, he gave his heart to Jesus & was baptized. He went on to go to Liberty University (his parents & grandparents had long supported Liberty ministries) where we met. Our lives would both be completely different if Keith had not been adopted.
Every March 10th in our home we celebrate Adoption Day – a practice Keith’s folks started the day they officially adopted him. For me, it’s a day of reflecting again on God’s incredible love for us. To be able to see directly how much it changed Keith’s life to be adopted into a God fearing home vs. Rob who was raised in a single parent home without God, is stunning.
I am so thankful for adoption. It’s a beautiful picture of what God has done for us. We were born into sin. We had a miserable life of pain & foolish pointlessness to look forward to, until Jesus came to bring us hope! Because of Him, we can become sons of GOD!! “See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1) That is incredible! We are, when we receive Jesus as Savior & Lord, adopted into God’s family. He is our Father! What a wonderful Father we have in Him. Everything about our lives are changed. Thank God He chose us, for without Him, we are utterly hopeless.
I looked & looked last night. This morning, I looked some more. Nate’s state report & Ohio History test had to be somewhere! Last I saw them, they were in an orange history folder. When Nate got up, I had him search some more. Every place we could think of had been covered already. Where could they be?
The kids went out to play after lunch & while tidying the kitchen, I prayed, “Lord, You know where those things are & I know they didn’t get thrown out, so please help me find them.” No sooner had that been prayed, I turned around, and there, laying on the counter, they were. I had checked the counter but not seen them until now. Granted, they were under one of Callie’s books, but the orange folder was still in plain sight. I don’t think that was coincidence that I overlooked it yesterday & this morning, nor that it was found right after that prayer.
One of the big prayers being repeatedly taken to the Lord right now is wisdom as a parent, especially with Anders. As a home we are working on living out the Fruit of the Spirit, praying for them daily by name. It seems the more you pray for stuff like that, the more you see how painfully far you have to go!
God was reminding me in the search for a folder that He hears every little prayer & cares about what’s going on in each detail of our lives. He walks right beside us on this journey, never missing a thing. Thank You, Lord. I hear You. 
(Note: This was originally posted as private, but now that almost a year has gone by, I post it for the extended family.)
Dad’s passion for the lost…
“Dancing” down the street in overalls & a wheelbarrow full of water bottles, tracts, & a boombox blaring kid’s songs as we invited kids to the park for our outreach/VBS the last summer. He was 60 years old, but lead the pack! We also had whistles & horn blowers – we were trying to get he kids out.:)
Going door to door in the neighborhood Dad grew up in for hours putting flyers on doors telling about our new church, talking to those we could. That is one of my most precious memories with my dad. He took one side of the street & I took the other. His stubby legs could really move! I had to book to keep up with him! He was six footish, but mostly torso. BUT, he’d also been in THE marching band (tbdbitl) & never got over the high step in his walk. We stopped for a cold pop at the gas station when we were almost through for a quick break. Sweet memories of sitting in that beat up old truck, tired but happy, chatting & sipping together.
Dad wearing that bee costume for visitor day. Dad was very particular about his hair, but he was the only one willing to wear that thing that day. Afterwards, we had pizza & he sat getting all the info (name, address, etc.) while his hair was all crazy & didn’t say a word. I know that sounds stupid, but love him for that! If you know Dad, that was his heart right there shining for all to see!
Making the frog voice for the children at the park. He enjoyed children. He & Mom were taking care of the children for us the Wednesday night before he died. There were what, eleven little ones? The oldest was seven & the rest were four & under! But they did it & had great plans for those little ones each week. That last week, the boys were out with Dad in the garage revving up their three-wheeled trikes & Dad had made a track for them, complete with music & a target rigged up for them to hit every time they got up to the top of the little ramp. Dad also took care of the babies the whole last year at church on Wednesday nights for us. What other pastor do you know that does that? He watched five little babies for two hours every Wednesday night while we had Kids Club & prayer meeting to give us time to bond as couples & the older kids to learn.
Years of Dad & Mom leading the VBS. Dad always wearing the crazy wig & getting out the “binoculars” made of two glass pop bottles duct taped together with google eyes on the end.
Prayer meeting held at incredibly early hours for the lost! When I was in high school, Dad started an early morning prayer campaign to reach our church’s neighborhood. For several weeks we met at the church at 6 am if I remember right. It was Mom, Dad, me, my little brothers, an older couple, and one little family with two baby boys. Then there were the church plant early morning prayer meetings. We had to find a time all could meet without running into schedule problems.
The prayer notebooks, earnestly filled out to pray for individual lost all around us & strategically show God’s love to them. Dad was very purposeful & intentional about life.
Christmas caroling in the neighborhoods together, giving out candy canes & Christmas cards to those who had visited our church or come to one of our outings (steak dinner, free movie tickets, movie night at the church, small groups, park VBS, etc.)
Found this beautiful song over the weekend. I’m sure many of you have heard it, but it was new to me. (We don’t listen to the radio much.) So many in our lives right now seem to be going through the rainy season: The Lee Family, Scott & Rebecca, Marc & Suzanne, Chuck, Phil, Jim, Eric & Laura, Uncle Harry, Aunt Donna, the list goes on. As we pray with & for you, may these trials help you to endure, which brings strength, which develops character, which brings assurance of our salvation & hope. (Romans 5:3-5) All for His glory.
Piper once said, “God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in Him in the midst of loss, not prosperity.”
Bring the Rain
MercyMe
This song reminds me of the last prayer I heard my dad pray. Mom, Dad, Keith & I met every Friday at 5am (before school) to pray for the community & our church plant. Dad sat in one of our hickory rockers that morning, eyes scrunched up like he does, glasses in his hands, & leaning forward. He prayed, “Lord, whatever it takes to reach the lost in this community for You, do it! If it takes a great catastrophe to bring them to You, do it. Whatever it takes, Lord.” Eighteen hours later, he was standing before his Saviour I’m sure hearing, “Well done, My good & faithful servant!”. That was the last hour I had with Dad on this earth.
I prayed that with him in my heart that morning with a bit of fear & trembling, but didn’t really think anything would come so quickly to shake MY world. I have to admit, there have been times I’ve cried out to the Lord, “Why did you have to take him up on it & why did it have to be OUR world that came crashing down?” But two years later, I can say with tears yet in my eyes that God does bring the rain for our good. Rain makes the fruit grow. It makes our roots sink down deeper. It is good even when painful.
God still has a long way to go to give me Dad’s passion for the lost. I wish he was still here to spur me on. I tend to get disgusted at the bad choices people make to trash their lives & still don’t come to Jesus! Dad didn’t feel that way. Maybe because he was always mindful of the life he’d been mercifully plucked from at age 28? But by the grace of God goes me! Having grown up in a Christian home, I lose sight of that too often. But Dad’s prayer echoes in my ears & will remind me all my days that this life is short & we are here but for a time to shine His Light in a lost & dying world. God went out on a limb for me by giving His very Son for me! He said, “Whatever it takes!” Shouldn’t I?
Kevin’s mom emailed today more details about the “counts”. I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but now that she’s cleared it up, it’s even more fun to witness & pass on…
“Our plans were abruptly changed on Tuesday when the doctors became very concerned over Kevin’s condition and his white blood count (WBC). The WBC is supposed to be between 4.5 and 13.5. His was 80.9. Kevin was admitted to the hospital, …Wednesday was passed expecting that Kevin might die yet that day…Kevin’s WBC is now 103.0. We thought we knew for sure that Kevin would die that day. But no, he actually seemed to feel a little better by evening. His breathing was easier and his pain had diminished! PTL!
Then comes Friday morning. Around 6 a.m. Kevin had a nosebleed even though he’s not had one for more than a week. It lasted about 2 hours…not hugely unusual. But this nosebleed had a different quality to it…a very scary quality. I sat there, completely at peace, expecting my son to bleed to death before my very eyes. (I did think of Mary as she had to watch her Son suffer, bleed, and die.) The nosebleeds continued throughout the afternoon but ended shortly after the prayer chain had been contacted. Again, PTL! And thank you to those of you who are earnestly praying at a moment’s notice. AND his WBC was 69.4!
…by the way, his WBC is now 31.2!
Sunday…9.5!
Monday…4.0!
Okay today I had to clarify a few things in rounds. The doctors had given Kevin one medicine that would not cure the cancer or even make it better, but they hoped it would slow the growth of the WBC or maybe even stop the growth. I had to ask if they expected this drop in his WBC. And no they did not! There is nothing to explain this aside from the power of God! Thank you, thank you, thank you God!!!!!”
George Muller said that. I love it! The kids & I have been reading through the Trailblazer Book about him – The Bandit of Ashley Downs. (If you’ve never read a Trailblazer Book, they are great – cliffhanger chapters, good storyline, teaches about our Christian heritage in these great men & women of faith.) Anyway, it got me thinking about all the times God has provided in similar ways in my life through the years. This was the original reason for this blog – to document what God has done & is doing in our family.
Last night, Mom needed some company staying with Grandma, so I took a notebook & listened again as Mom told of those times as we were growing up, how God showed Himself to be a faithful provider & mighty God. This week, as time permits (otherwise it will be next week), I’ll be sharing some of those stories.
The first one is from the summer of 1973. Mom & Dad had recently started working with Campus Crusade for Christ & were in Purdue, Indiana for a training type session. We were a family of four (I was three & my big brother was five) & Dad had only been a Christian for about a year. They had sold Mom’s beauty shops (I think she owned two?) & Dad quit the lucrative life insurance job he had & they went full time into the ministry. This was the intense discipleship program God put them in as it turns out.:) They raised support & moved to Iowa to head up a lay ministry something. (I need to ask Mom more about that part of the story!) So, picture this family, living for a summer in the dorms, supported (provided for, but not an over abundance).
Mom stayed home from a session one morning – one of us kids sick or something. Dad came home at noon for lunch & told how Bill Bright had spoken at the session about how some missionaries were in need of funds & asked if anyone wanted to pledge support. Dad (and those of you who knew him wouldn’t be at all surprised at this) put us down for $50 a month. Now, $50 a month is a good chunk of change for today, but 34 years ago, that was a really big leap of faith! Some would call that “irresponsible” or whatever. But to my Dad, as with George Muller & other great men of God, when he knew God laid something on his heart, no matter how foolish it looked, he acted on it. And I love that about him! Because of those acts of faith, I know my God provides & is real. I saw His hand in my family’s life as I grew up at times like this. I have no doubts my God is real & faithful in providing. (Note to Christian parents: If you never take a leap of faith, your kids are robbed the opportunity to see that Hand work in their formative early years – thus the statistics in the Truth Project – churched kids with no real belief in the God of their parents.) He shared this pledged commitment with Mom over lunch.
Right after lunch, they got the mail. In it was a letter from some church in Pennsylvania. It said,
“Dear Don & Carol,
You don’t know us & we don’t know you, but our church has been supporting a Campus Crusade staff family for years. This family has recently left CCC, but we want to continue supporting CCC, so we called for another name & they gave us yours.
This is to inform you that we are transferring our support of $50 a month over to you…”
That’s what my God does. He is actively involved in every aspect of our lives. He LOVES to show Himself like that! He eagerly waits for us to leap out in faith so He can show Himself faithful. When we rely so much on our own finances & “common sense” that we never step out in faith when God wants to show Himself, we really miss out. It wasn’t good financially for George Muller to start an orphanage. It didn’t make common sense for him to put himself out that way. But because of his faithfulness to follow God’s leading, we have the wonderful stories of how over & over again God faithfully provided for over ten thousand orphans – sometimes at the last minute; sometimes in incredible ways.
“To learn strong faith is to endure great trials.
I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testings.”
(George Mueller)
“If the Lord fails me at this time, it will be the first time.”
(George Mueller)
“Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.”
(Oswald Chambers)
Hebrews 11:1
The boy with leukemia is done with his second round of chemo & doing great! In fact, he came home for the whole last week & even joined us at church! It was so encouraging to see him.
Scott had a CAT scan done yesterday. A sizeable mass is there, but the good news is that it is all outside the brain & in a “sack”, so seems to be an “easy” case. The doctor has performed many many of these operations & says it’s like 97-98% success rate on this kind of thing. Recovery time will be 3-4 weeks, rather than closer to a year if the mass had been inside the brain. Things look very good!
Thank you for those of you who joined us in praying for these two guys & their families. Please continue to do so. I’ll keep you posted on any changes. God hears & answers our prayers!! Isn’t that awesome?!
See a wordless tribute to our fallen here.
For our children, today we tell you of a man who gave the ultimate sacrifice for your freedom – Milton J. W. He was your Grandpa W’s uncle. That makes him your great-great uncle.
He was a strong & handsome 23 years old when he enlisted in the Army on April 24, 1941. Over the next three years, he was stationed in Northern Ireland, North Africa, and then Italy. On July 1st, 1944 Staff Sgt. W volunteered, being responsible for the safety of the men under him, to disarm a mine that one of his soldiers had discovered. It was a booby trap mine & took his life instantly. Milton W was buried in the American Cemetery at Follonica, Italy on July 8th, 1944. After consulting with her children, Milton’s mother chose to accept the government’s offer to bring Milton home & on March 2, 1949, Milton’s body was brought home to Albert Lea, MN. His grave marker can be seen today next to those of his parents.
Milton W shows us what loyalty, responsibility, & courage looks like. He loved this country enough to give his life for the rest of us to live in freedom. Our family honors his sacrifice & those of so many like him today.
Thank you, Uncle Richard, for collecting the story so we can tell the next generation about our family heroes. We will never forget! Here’s Milton with Grandpa & Uncle Richard…
A special prayer & thank you this Memorial Day to SFC Mark Swedeen in Iraq. Denise & boys, how can I say thank you enough for these months of your sacrifice as well? You all are in our thoughts & prayers often throughout these days.
Another thank you goes out to a “little boy” I babysat all through high school who is also now serving in Iraq, Brian Kentosh. Our thoughts & prayers are with the whole Kentosh family. Thank you for serving, Brian, so we can be free!!
America will only be the land of the free so long as it is the home of the Brave. You are our heroes!
