…Christmas Caroling.

For some reason, it came to me in a big wave out of the blue yesterday. I miss singing with my Dad. Caroling was one of those times. We went caroling together just about every year of my remembrance: at Rome as a junior & high school kid, then as a married woman with baby Nate or Callie snuggled up in my coat, around the trailer park neighborhood, then with family at HOPE. Every time, Dad would lead – he was best at picking a starting note we all could sing to. He always ended with “Joy to the World” & then “We Wish You a merry Christmas.” “Joy” was started way up high – I can see Dad looking at me, eyebrows up, straining to hit the high note yet. I am looking forward to singing again with Dad in Heaven. Our voices blend well. Mom & Dad sang well together, too, but that’s another post.

…at any large family function.

He’s the one who took the bull by the horns & led the prayer, started the song, used the moment. He took a lot of eye-rolling through the years, but we have the precious memories! We have the memories of us singing together, of those “productions” as an extended family, of hearing others say what they were thankful for, etc. & being prayed over at important times. It’s going to take time for some of us to be able to rise up & take the initiative in those moments. I think we’re all still feeling the void at those moments & not quite ready for anyone (or sure who should) fill the shoes there.

The other evening, when Luke had people over to celebrate his new land, I wanted so badly (as I’m pretty sure he did, too) to pray together, sing a few camp songs around the fire, etc. But all I can do is be silent & cry right now, let alone LEAD at those moments. The sting of Dad not being there is too fresh. I just can’t do it yet. It’s so weird – my spirit cries out for a time of prayer & song, at those moments more than ever, yet my flesh is nothing but tears. Up crops the memory of us gathered in prayer after their first child was born, praying for healing & blessing, and God was there. He’s still there like the other evening, but oh, how I wanted to go over & lay my hands on Luke & Valerie, pray for them among lifelong friends, hear them pray with me in a concert of prayer for their future. But it takes someone to rise up & take the lead. We need Dad! But I guess it’s time for us to grow up & take the initiative. It’ll come.

I am more keenly aware than ever before that those times of precious people gathered are rare & to be treasured. I don’t take those moments for granted anymore. No, tomorrow things might look very different. Enjoy today! I want my children to grow up with times of prayer & breaking into song naturally in those moments. Maybe another year & it will come.